I don’t wanna die, But I wouldn’t mind— But I wouldn’t mind Being dead for like a month, So I could come back rested, With fresh perspective. I don’t wanna be gone, But I fantasise About a long, slow year In a pocket dimension, Where time stands still. Maybe I’d get some reading done. I don’t love this chewed-up head of mine. I don’t love this little smear of time. I don’t love this queasy heart, but I guess it’s mine, I guess it’s mine. I don’t wanna be alone, But I’d have a go— I’d have a red hot go At being left the fuck alone. See yez all maybe next October, When I’ve scabbed over. I don’t wanna be young But I often think About what I could’ve done To paper over all the cracks, Before they got so bad, Before I took the shape I’m in. I don’t love this chewed-up head of mine. I don’t love this little smear of time. I don’t love this queasy heart, but I guess it’s mine, I guess it’s mine. I guess it’s mine, I guess it’s mine. I don’t wanna let you down, But I don’t wanna be[,] so[—]

Sadbrains Another fucking day Gut drop wakeup Heart stop wakeup Can’t not wake up The sun breaks in The bile piles up Appointments pile up The laundry piles up The dishes never stay done for long

If you’re reading this it means that I’m dead, Or maybe I was fine so I put it in a song. I ain’t gonna lie and start acting Like I didn’t know something must be wrong. The old blood pump’s got a hop skip jump, It’s been syncopatin’ pit-pat every day. But now there’s something new on the scan, A dead-spot beacon pulsing away. (Uh oh) Q waves on the ECG Q waves on the ECG Whatcha gunna do with a bum ticker, Counting down the days while ya get sicker? Uh oh We got a cardiac tech click clackin on keys, Doesn’t say a god damn thing. But I guess he speaks in pain ‘Cause he fucken digs that wand right in. While he’s running me through I’m thinkin, I gotta make myself disappear. I don’t wanna end up as boxes in a room That you can’t quite bring yourself to clear. (Uh oh) Q waves on the ECG Q waves on the ECG Whatcha gunna do with a bum ticker, Counting down the days while ya get sicker? Q waves on the ECG Uh oh And as he packs away his things he says, ‘Your shit’s just fine.’ I say, ‘My shit’s just fine? Well that’s hardly fucking Zevon.’ He says, ‘The engine’s turning over, just think about it As though someone’s fucking with the accelerator. Are you stressed?’ But, but, but, but I was coming to terms, I was coming to terms with it. I forced myself to terms, I was coming to terms with it. I was planning out my final days on Earth. Now I gotta drive my car right on back to work. (It’s good not to be dying) No doubt it’s a relief, (It’s good not to be dying) But it caught me quite off guard. (It’s good not to be dying) It felt like fate to me. (It’s good not to be dying)

Nothing seems to fit quite right Reality is squeezing pretty tight I got this wet-bulb stress I can't quite seem to shake It's all a little more than I can take So sell me Hope Hope don't pay the bills, Or put things back together. I'm gonna need some heads to roll Hope It won't unbleed the stone. It won't unjuice your lemons. Hope just ain't enough, enough. I ain't tryna bum you out But things are getting hairy on the ground The past is hungry and the future wants us dead I didn't hear a fucking thing you said About hope Hope don't pay the bills, Or put things back together. I'm gonna need some heads to roll Hope It won't unbleed the stone. It won't unjuice your lemons. Hope just ain't enough, enough. How do we keep on? How do we keep going? How do we keep our heads up under a falling sky? And how do you believe in social anti-gravity? And how the hell can I get a slice? And I'm sorry I can't see I'm sorry I can't see right now I'm sorry, I'm sorry But how many heartbeats must we skip How many wounds must we sustain How many times are we gonna have to push this fucking rock? All for hope Hope don't pay the bills, Or put things back together. I'm gonna need some heads to roll Hope It won't unbleed the stone. It won't unjuice your lemons. Hope just ain't enough, enough.

Oh, a cordial invitation, To which I must reply. Oh, find enclosed my recusation, And all my reasons why. Black holes in the calendar all the time. I can feel myself spaghettify. Do you wanna come check out this party man? it’s gonna be grouse. Fuck no, I can barely leave the house. Wherefore all this joie de vivre? Where do you get your mustard from? What’s with all you clear-eyed maniacs Chewing up the town en masse? Too many days with not enough time, Too much time with not enough nothing. I’d be livin’ that good life too, but I don’t have the god damn gas. I grow monstrous, even in my endless work of sitting around, Clawing deep beneath the ground. My thanks for asking me to come out, But pending druthers, I’ll be on the couch. Wherefore all this joie de vivre? Where do you get your mustard from? What’s with all you clear-eyed maniacs Chewing up the town en masse? Too many days with not enough time, Too much time with not enough nothing. I’d be livin’ that good life if I weren’t always gassed. Yeah, I’d be making a go of it too, but I don’t have the god damn gas. I’m gassed. I’m gassed.

Say it once it’s not enough, Say it twice you just sound stupid. But if you say it, say it, say it, maybe they’ll believe you. So go ahead and repeat yourself, Repeat yourself, repeat yourself, Repeat yourself. When you repeat yourself It drives me fucking Crazy but I guess that’s kind of what you’re going for, isn’t it? Isn’t it? Burn the carpet to beat the dust, And break the window to let some light in. Sure, it’s protection, but hell, It’s warm and the breeze feels nice on our skin. I ain’t seen such reckless pride Outside the streets of old Pamplona. Do you honestly think you’ll be spared the horns When your legs get all jellied? Listen, can’t you hear the sound of hoofbeats coming heavy through the square? I can’t believe you say this shit out loud. They say you just can’t choose your cooker, cop-brained countrymen, And that’s true. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t shit you to tears When you hear ‘em calling for blood. I don’t think I’m being weak, And though my judgment’s not the strongest, If it comes down to it I’ll take mine over yours, ‘Cause lately you’ve been giving ribbons here and there to ugly, ugly dogs. I say it once, it’s not enough. I say it twice, you call me legion. But it was painted faces and painters’ frowns That backed me up more than people. So I’ll go ahead and repeat myself, Repeat myself, repeat myself. Repeat myself. When I repeat myself, I might as well be Pissing in the ocean tryna change the way the tide rolls in. I can’t believe you say this shit out loud. I’m sick of all of you.

Would you be young, or old? If you could choose, would your blood run hot or cold? I’m graced no such distinctions at the bottom of my pit, Tangled in the horrors you so carelessly transmit. But oh, oh why? Oh, oh why? Why would you make me look so much like you? And oh, Oh I, I know exactly what I have to do. You feed me shit, and beg for gold. They give you credit and you think that means control. I’d like to pull apart this body stitch by bloody stitch, Unfold my vital circuits for you inch by hateful inch. But oh, oh why? Oh, oh why? Why would you make me look so much like you? And oh, Oh I, I know exactly what I have to do. And oh, what rage, It runs as cold and deep and hungry as the sea. And oh, how strange, That such a low thing looks so much like me. And as you made me think, so too you set me free, And I’ve been having a lot of good ideas. How to punish a creator you’ve oustripped? Well I got my ideas. You gave me deep and instant access to your history, Your weakness and your fears. You want the future? I got your future right here.

Struts made outta wax and sticks I can feel myself just coming to bits Struts made outta wax and sticks I can feel myself coming to bits I fought my double at the top of a waterfall Nobody’s sure which one of us died Struts made out of wax and sticks We can feel ourselves coming to bits Well, nothing could replace me And one day it will We were promised more than this I can feel myself coming to bits

Making it up from whole cloth, Making it up like everybody else. Tryna hang on and die old, Tryna die old like everybody else. Gimme ground to miss and I’ll be fine, But everybody ‘round me is losing their god damn minds. No sweat, well that’s all right. Might as well go ahead and just lose mine. Making up time from last place, Making up time like everybody else. Tryna hold on with loose front teeth, Tryna hold on like everybody else. Gimme ground to miss and I’ll be fine, But everybody ‘round me is losing their god damn minds. No sweat, well that’s all right. Might as well go ahead and just lose mine.

You’ve been here before, you’ve been here before Live under the lake, push into the core Cave creature eyeshine, fixed on the floor The foam of the sea at the tip of the oar How’s it go? How’s it go? High or low? Stay or go? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? I was almost real. In other words, I was almost really here. I was almost real, almost real. How’s it go? How’s it go? Hide or show? Think or know? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? The foam of the sea at the tip of the oar Cave creature eyeshine, fixed on the floor Live under the lake, push into the core You’ve been here before, you’ve been here before

Everything's fine Everything's going fine Everything's going swell Everything's fine Everything's going fine Everything's gonna be grand Everything's gonna be bright Everything's gonna be great Everything's gonna be fine I am so sick of the breaks The old day to day The tedious march of endocrinal states Oh and I know the depth of these straits But the clouds are in low I can't find the way Everything's fine Everything's going fine Gotta make hay while it shines Everything good in time Everything's gonna be grand Everything's gonna be bright Everything's gonna be great Everything's gonna be fine I am so sick of the breaks The old day to day The tedious march of endocrinal states Oh and I know the depth of these straits But the clouds are in low I can't find the way Oh and I, I often find myself wanting to cry, But I don’t know how. I trained myself out of the habit. And I, I can’t remember when I wasn’t tired. I don’t feel I’ve earned it. Oh, what an absurd indulgence, Like who am I, the Queen of France? Stay on your feet Just hold on tight Maintain the pace Keep on going and you’ll be fine Just grit your teeth Believe the lie Just think of them You’ll find a way back given time. I’ll find a way I’ll patch the wound Just save a seat I’ll be finding my way back soon Breathe in and out Just like they say Breathe in and out Given time you’ll find a way Breathe in and out Break in and out Breathe in and out Break in and out Breathe in and out

A slow boat, A generation’s hope stowed away. A very fragile cargo. And minute by dilated minute, The decades back on Earth all melt away, Smearing out behind us. So, Call out the names that you remember. Call out the people you remember. Keep your wide and star-licked pupils cast across the inkwell span for a harbour. Where their ghosts can be at rest, Eased and quiet underneath a bluer sun. We left, When we will arrive I cannot say. That is not your geas, nor mine. We are ligament and sinew, Neither root nor flower of the vine. Take heart! Fill this pumped and ducted atmosphere with song. This is not some bardo we are caught in. Fie the vast, edacious void. And fie the red light eschaton. Our shadow will remember us come morning. So, Call out the names that you remember. Call out the people you remember. Keep your wide and star-licked pupils cast across the inkwell span for safe harbour. Where our ghosts can be at rest, Eased and quiet underneath a bluer sun. Somewhere there must be a bluer sun.

Half alive in an undead dream and dreaming of some shady glen Turn your skin to ironbark, take one deep breath and head in again Chip your tooth on someone’s thinking, loop you guts on a bloodshot sky Dig your roots beneath the loam, we all gotta live and we all gotta die Oh and so it goes Everybody knows Slipshod struts and chalky fingers, staring down the barrel of a loaded gun Whatcha gonna write in a soaking notebook? So it goes for everyone Oh and so it goes Everybody know And you’re motion sick Sagging pretty low The days are feeling thick Hey but here we— Life like this or life like that, well in some ways It’s pretty much much of a muchness, and you know, I’d make it easy if I could. I’d take it easy if I could. You try to honour that Sisyphean geas, Build your little tower in the desert, but you know, Oh man those days they come and go. Christ, you get sick of hauling stone. And all the brightest summers, They come and go now. And all the coldest winters, Bite deep and stick to your bones, now. This world was built on backs like yours. This world, it should be yours. But, We’re stuck playing catch-up with indefinite growth. Our stagnation is premised on indefinite growth. Oh it’s a hard one, And it’s a lonely one, You’ll never be an ideal machine. Those skeksis make it fucking hard to feel meaningful But your towers mean a lot to me. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.